hell yes lets make some ravioli
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
