I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
