Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
