I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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