I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
