Will you blow on my dice?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
