It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize