false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
