this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
