Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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