They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
