I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
