I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
