Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
