ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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