no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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