i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
