Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
