I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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