More tranny stories later!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
