Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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