I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
