dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
