i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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