I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
