try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
