dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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