I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
