I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
