If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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