Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
