i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
