I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
