I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
