Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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