Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
