Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
