nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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