he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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