i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
