everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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