No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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