i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
