He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
