did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
