Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize