3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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