guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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