lets start a swedish sibling band together
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
