i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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