I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's rum buckets o'clock
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
