I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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