i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
