I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize