Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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