trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
