the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
