watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Send help, water and tortillas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
