When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
