No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bring money and cleavage
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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