I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
