you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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