i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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