Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
