the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
