Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she peed on how many people?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize