My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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