I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
