Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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