The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize