Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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