you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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