My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
