Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
