apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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