Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
