Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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