He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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